I wasn’t planning on doing any more races until TransRockies, but lately I’d been craving a bit more intensity in my runs. So I decided that Saturday’s run would be moderately long, but hard. Then on Thursday I found out that the 5-peaks Cypress race was on Saturday. “Hey, that’ll work just as well, plus trails. And racing!”
It went something like this:
<body> Ahhh!!!!! What the hell is that?
<brain> Your alarm.
<body> Kill it!!
<brain> How about some snooze time
<body> Ahhh!!!!! What the hell is that?
<brain> Your alarm. Again.
<body> Ohhhh right… K, let’s go do this 5-peaks thing
<body> Seriously. Let’s roll.
<brain> Wait. What? Really? Uhh.. It’s going to be hot and you’re probably already dehydrated.
<body> Yeah… that’s true. Let’s go check.
<brain> WTF. It’s pink. Damn beets.
<body> Beets help with endurance, game-on.
<brain> That’s just… That’s not how that works.
<body> This is happening. Let’s go.
<brain> For the record, this is a terrible idea. Can I at least get some coffee first?
<brain> Look, it’s not too late to back out. Why don’t we forget about this silliness and go and get a burrito?
<brain> Right, see. C’mon.. wouldn’t getting a burrito be better than racing?
<body> We’re totally getting a burrito after the race!
<brain> Dammit. Well.. there’s only a few minutes until this thing starts. Do you want a plan?
<body> No it’s cool. I got this.
<brain> What? Don’t be stupid. Let’s be rational here.
<body> Don’t be a wuss. It’s only 13km, or is it 14? Whatever, it’s almost nothing. I got this.
<brain> So what’s your plan then?
<body> Hey look, it’s Adam Campbell. He, like, owns this race. We’ll just stay with him, he probably knows the course really well.
<brain> Uh. I don’t think you’re going to be able to keep up with him.
<body> What? Look at him, he’s tiny. I got this.
<brain> Tiny? You mean he looks more like a runner than you.
<body> I’m a runner! I own a foam roller and everything.
<brain> No. You’re 6-foot-2 and a plane could probably land on your back. You’re a swimmer.
<starter> 3… 2…
<brain> Wait! Shit! Think this through!
<starter> 1! Go!
<brain> Uh oh.
2 minutes later
<body> I think this is a good pace.
<brain> It’s not. At all. Do you have any idea what your heart rate is?
<body> No, I’m doing this one on feel.
<brain> You’re such an idiot. You’re going to die.
<body> This is a fine pace. It’s only 14km
<brain> Right, and you haven’t even finished one km yet. Not to mention it’s been pretty much flat this whole time so far.
10 minutes later
<body> Unnghhhhhh everything hurts
<body> Fix it!
<brain> You’ll have to slow down if you want me to fix this.
<brain> Suit yourself.
<body> Why is it so hot out? Why are we running down the mountain if we’re just going to have to run back up it? None of this makes sense. This is stupid, I don’t want to do this any more.
<brain> Slow. Down. I.. need oxygen.
<body> Yeah okay. I don’t really want to run up the hills anyway.
<brain> Finally. How about any of the uphills, we just walk. You can run the downhills and flats.
<body> What about small uphills?
<brain> You walk those too.
<body> Yeah… okay.
<body> This is a big uphill. If we ran it it would end sooner
<brain> Actually, that’s not true. Keep walking.
<body> Okay.. what if someone passes us?
<brain> I promise you that no one behind you is running up this.
<body> But what if someone is??
<brain> If anyone is, it’s probably Adam Campbell doing a second lap to try and get a decent workout in. Please, just focus on not having your heart explode.
<brain> Okay. 7km in, we’re halfway through. Now here’s the plan: keep walking the uphills, run the flats and downs at whatever pace is comfortable. But let’s try and pass one person per kilometer.
<body> Ooohh I like that plan!
<body> Look! That dude that passed us on the downhill… man, that hurt my feelings. I thought I was good at downhill running
<brain> You’re alright at it. Anyway, let’s get him. Slow and steady
<brain> Hrm. Okay, these last two people we just passed are still hanging on
<body> No fair!
<brain> There’s a turn up a head, as soon as you’re around it go hard and we’ll drop them while we’re out of sight.
<body> Ooh! Tactical racing. This is fun!
<brain> Well, you should have let me do this from the start.
<body> We haven’t passed anyone in a few kilometers, you’re not doing the plan thing very well.
<brain> I think everyone else who’s ahead is too far ahead
<body> Aw man.. Wait! There’s one! Shit, he’s moving pretty quick
<brain> Okay, there’s only about a kilometer or so to go. Just give’r
<body> Oh god. I’m dying. What the hell. Why. Water. Food. Why is no one helping me. I’m dying. Oh god..
<brain> Did you look at your heart rate when we finished? You were in the 190’s… That’s… not a good idea. Get some water.
<body> I feel okay after those 4 cups of water. I recovered pretty fast ‘eh?
<brain> Well, you are actually pretty fit, you’re just an idiot. Keep drinking the water and let’s go home and get some sleep.
<body> What? No way! We gotta go get that burrito we talked about
In retrospect, brining some water with me would’ve been a good idea. Other than my heart almost exploding it was a lot of fun. The course was excellent, the weather was perfect and the post-race was great with lots of water, snacks and excellent sponsors giving away samples. I’ll be out of town for the 5-peaks Whistler race, but I might give the Buntzen Lake race a shot in September.